I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
