So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
