his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
