Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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