today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Someone signed my nipple.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
