Got a toothbrush?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Randomize
