I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
