my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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