There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
