That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
