i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize