Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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