I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
