When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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