i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he shaved USA in his pubs
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Two words: nipple clamps
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