Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
