One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
time to smoke my breakfast
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
