Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
