He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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