There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
