so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
