I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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