This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
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the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
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I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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