I'm sorry my penis didn't work
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
