Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
