Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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