I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
