but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
