i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
