U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize