i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
