question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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