This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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