I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
