dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
