I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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