Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
