hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
you had me at cake vodka
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
