I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
