Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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