I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
