She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Pooping to opera.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
