420 ftw
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
