you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I think your dad took our porno
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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