I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
