shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
