but the lizard people decide everything anyway
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
