2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
