P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
