Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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