it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
