God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
