Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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