I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
