were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
