the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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