his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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