It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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