The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
