I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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