so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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