We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
