I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Success! We fucked roommates!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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