I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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