just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
