it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
