Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
