But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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