"it" just moved
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
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how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
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Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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