so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
