I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
