I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
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I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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