I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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