On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
