i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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