omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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