3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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