And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
