So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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