I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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