boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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